Topic: Animal

My Ugly Pug

My ugly pug’s a snuggly pug.
He likes to snuggle on the rug.
He such a huggy cuddle-bug.
He snuggles all day long.

But though my pug’s a cuddle-bug
who likes to nuzzle up and hug,
my pug is still an ugly pug.
His yucky mug is wrong.

My Dog’s Name Is “Cat”

My dog’s name is “Cat”
and my cat’s name is “Dog.”
My frog’s name is “Mouse”
and my mouse is called “Frog.”

My bird’s name is “Fish”
and my fish is called “Bird.”
I know that you probably
think that’s absurd.

It’s just a tradition
my family has had.
My dad’s name is “Mom”
and my mom’s name is “Dad.”

My Cat Knows Karate

My cat knows karate.
My frog knows kung fu.
My poodle knows judo.
My turtle does too.

They all became black belts
by watching TV;
some Chuck Norris movies,
and films with Bruce Lee.

They liked learning lessons
from Jean-Claude Van Damme,
and acting like action-film star
Jackie Chan.

They practiced their punches,
their blocks, and their kicks
until they were masters
of martial arts tricks.

You’d think they’d be good now
at guarding our house,
but, yesterday morning,
they ran from my mouse.

My mouse is a crack-up.
I laughed at his prank.
Do you think it’s weird that
my mouse drives a tank?

Deep Sea Dance

Down on the ocean floor,
Deep in the sea,
Everybody’s dancing.
Ready? ONE, TWO, THREE!

Barracuda boogies
With the octopus and eel.
Sea horse does a square dance
With the salmon and the seal.

Jiggle goes the jellyfish.
Shimmy goes the snake.
Watch the lobster limbo
And the sea snail shake.

Everybody’s dancing in the
deep, deep dark.
But run away! Run away!
Here comes the shark!

Where did everybody go?
He heard the music play.
He must have missed the party.
They must have gone away.

Shark is all alone upon
This underwater shelf.
That’s alright! Shark is happy
Dancing by himself.

Shark begins to shuffle.
Shark begins to spin.
He flutters with his flipper
And he wiggles with his fin.

He doesn’t look so scary.
He wants to party too!
So barracuda joins him
for a bouncy boogaloo.

Jellyfish then joins in.
So do octopus and eel.
Snake returns to shimmy
With the sea horse and the seal.

Everybody’s dancing
From the salmon to the snail.
But run away! Run away!
Here comes killer whale!

I Took My Doggy for a Walk

I took my doggy for a walk.
I thought it would be fun.
The moment that we got outside
he took off at a run.

I gripped the handle of his leash.
It instantly pulled tight.
My dog was strong. He ran so fast
I practically took flight.

He pulled me through the neighborhood.
(My doggy likes to roam.)
I bumped and bounced and banged around
until he ran back home.

So now I’m bruised and battered
like a ratty, tattered rag.
I took my doggy for a walk.
He took me for a drag.

My Virtual Puppy

I purchased a virtual puppy.
He lives in an app on my phone.
He digs in a virtual garden
to bury a virtual bone.

I feed him with virtual dog food.
I’m teaching him virtual tricks,
like giving me virtual handshakes
and fetching his virtual sticks.

He naps on a virtual sofa.
He likes to chase virtual cats.
Whenever he’s good I reward him
with virtual dog treats and pats.

He’ll bring me the virtual paper.
He’ll chew on a virtual shoe.
There’s only one virtual problem.
I clean up his virtual poo.

To B or Not to B


I bought a black banana,
And a broken baseball bat.
A burst balloon, a busted boat,
A beat-up bowler hat.

I wasn’t being brainy, bright,
or brilliant, but you see,
My brain was boggled after
Being bitten by a bee.

I Rode a Rainbow Unicorn

I rode a rainbow unicorn.
We sailed across the sky.
(I’d fed him lots of Skittles,
since they always make him fly.)

We took off like a comet
on a long and graceful flight.
And everywhere the people stopped
and marveled at the sight.

His path was bright and colorful.
It sparkled, shimmered, shined,
as he arced across the heavens
shooting rainbows from behind.

My Frog Recycles All His Trash

My frog recycles all his trash.
He eats organic food.
He cares for the environment.
He’s quite the hipster dude.

Reduce, reuse, recycle
is the motto of my frog.
He drives a solar-powered car
to cut back on the smog.

He helps endangered species and
opposes climate change.
He knows that, since he’s just a frog,
this might seem kind of strange.

But still he does his very best
to keep our planet clean.
He thinks it’s only natural.
He’s proud of being green.

Don’t Think About a Zebra

dont-think-about-a-zebra

Don’t think about a zebra
no matter what you do,
for, if you ever think of one,
then soon you’ll think of two.

And, after that, you’ll think of three.
And then you’ll think of four.
Then five or six or seven zebras.
Maybe even more.

And then you’ll think of zebra herds
stampeding down the street,
and zebras wearing tutus,
disco-dancing to a beat.

You’ll think of flying ninja zebras
practicing kung fu.
And zebra clowns from outer space.
And robot zebras too.

And zebras in pajama bottoms
bouncing on their beds,
and maybe even zebras
wearing diapers on their heads.

You’ll wish you’d never thought of them,
so do it starting now:
Don’t think about a zebra.
Only think about a cow.