Try to Lick Your Elbow
Your elbow’s pretty hard to reach,
although it’s awfully near.
Just try to lick your elbow,
or to put it in your ear.
You cannot reach your elbow
with your shoulder or your nose.
It’s practically impossible
to touch it with your toes.
Your elbow won’t go near your neck,
your forehead, or your eyes.
If you could touch it to your spine,
I think you’d win a prize.
I tried to lick my elbow once,
and I came pretty close.
But then I stopped and realized,
like, OMG! That’s gross!
I Don’t Watch TV
I don’t watch TV.
I mean, who’s got the time?
I only watch YouTube,
and Netflix, and Prime,
and Hulu, and Crackle,
and Roku, and Tubi,
and Vudu, and Hoopla,
and Yahoo, and Mubi,
and Google, and Apple,
and Vimeo too,
and Disney, and PopcornFlix.
That’s all I do.
There’s so much to stream!
It might seem like a crime
to not watch TV,
but, then, who’s got the time?
I Have a Bunch of Batteries
I have a bunch of batteries
I need to give away,
and if you’d like to have them,
you can get them all today.
I didn’t want to throw them out.
They’re yours to take instead.
I probably should warn you, though,
these batteries are dead.
I have a lot of tiny ones.
A few of them are large.
And you can have them all right now,
completely free of charge.
Lonely Phone
My phone must be
a lonely phone.
It often does things
on its own.
It likes to blink
and buzz and beep
to wake me up
when I’m asleep.
I sometimes find
it’s made a call
without me touching
it at all.
If it gets bored,
before too long,
it might decide
to play a song,
or maybe shoot
a video,
or send a tweet,
or watch a show,
or play a game,
or send a text.
I never know
what’s coming next.
Today I left
my phone at home.
While I was gone
it wrote this poem.
I Made a New Password
I made a new password
That no one could guess.
It’s long and confusing
And truly a mess.
It has random letters
and numbers galore,
with dozens of symbols
and spaces and more.
My password is perfect,
completely secure,
and no one will break it;
of that I am sure.
It’s flawless and foolproof.
I don’t have a doubt.
But, whoops! I forgot it
and now I’m locked out.
Frank the Friendly Alien
I’m Frank, the friendly alien.
From deepest outer space.
My face is fairly friendly.
It’s such a friendly face.
My teeth are sharp and pointed.
My eyes are big and red.
I have such friendly features
upon my friendly head.
My horns are green and shiny.
I have exactly three.
My nose is long and crooked,
the way a nose should be.
My ears are huge and scaly.
My tongue is brown and blue.
The people from my planet
all look friendly like I do.
My claws are shaped like daggers.
My hands are huge and hairy
I’d love to stay and tell you more
but you look much too scary.
My Virtual Puppy
I purchased a virtual puppy.
He lives in an app on my phone.
He digs in a virtual garden
to bury a virtual bone.
I feed him with virtual dog food.
I’m teaching him virtual tricks,
like giving me virtual handshakes
and fetching his virtual sticks.
He naps on a virtual sofa.
He likes to chase virtual cats.
Whenever he’s good I reward him
with virtual dog treats and pats.
He’ll bring me the virtual paper.
He’ll chew on a virtual shoe.
There’s only one virtual problem.
I clean up his virtual poo.
My Brother Ate My Smartphone
My brother ate my smartphone.
Although it might sound strange,
he swallowed it and, bit by bit,
his brains began to change.
He started getting smarter.
He grew so shrewd and wise.
And I could see that, suddenly,
a light was in his eyes.
He knew as much as Google.
His IQ was off the charts.
I’d never seen someone so keen,
with such astounding smarts.
He solved the toughest problems
with simplicity and ease,
and calculated answers
with unrivaled expertise.
It seems he’s now a genius,
a perfect brainiac.
But I don’t care, or think it’s fair.
I want my smartphone back.
Our Teacher Likes Minecraft
Our teacher likes Minecraft.
She plays it all day.
She tells us to study
so she can go play.
She’ll dig in her mine,
going deeper and deeper,
then fight off a skeleton,
zombie, or creeper.
She’ll engineer buildings
from dirt, wood, and stone,
then go out exploring
the landscape alone.
She’ll build and collect and
she’ll run, jump, and swing.
There’s only one problem…
we don’t learn a thing.
I Can’t Get Enough of this Pokémon Go
I can’t get enough of this Pokémon Go.
The fever is on me
and starting to grow.
This game is amazing!
I thought you should know.
There’s nothing I want to do more.
I play on the playground.
I play in the park.
I play in the daytime.
I play after dark.
I’m constantly playing,
but I should remark
this game sure is making me sore.
While playing today
I ran into a wall.
I stumbled and fell down
the stairs at the mall.
I tripped on the street and
had such a bad fall,
I probably fractured my toe.
My forehead is hurting.
My bottom feels bad.
This tripping and falling
is making me mad.
The game is amazing,
but maybe I’ve had
enough of this Pokémon Go.
