Topic: Wordplay

To B or Not to B

I bought a black banana,
And a broken baseball bat.
A burst balloon, a busted boat,
A beat-up bowler hat.

I wasn’t being brainy, bright,
or brilliant, but you see,
My brain was boggled after
Being bitten by a bee.

My Sheep Is Being Sheepish

My sheep is being sheepish.
My cat is acting catty.
My horse, of course, is sort of hoarse.
My bat’s completely batty.

My chicken’s plainly chicken.
My hare is fairly hairy.
My cuckoo’s truly cuckoo.
My mare is mainly merry.

My fish is frankly fishy,
and so my flea is fleeing.
My slug is somewhat sluggish.
My bee is simply being.

I have so many animals
and this is how they’re feeling,
except for one, who’s tons of fun:
My seal is on the ceiling.

1 H0P3 7H47 Y0U C4N R34D 7H15

1 H0P3 7H47 Y0U C4N R34D 7H15.
1’M PR377Y 5UR3 Y0U C4N.
17’5 7R1CKY, 4ND 1’M W0ND3R1NG
1F Y0U W1LL UND3R574ND.

1 KN0W 7H47 17’5 4 PUZZL3.
1 KN0W 17’5 K1ND 0F 70UGH.
1 H0P3 7H47 Y0U D0N’7 R1P 17 UP
4ND 5CR34M, “1’V3 H4D 3N0UGH!”

1’M 7YP1NG 7H15 7H3 0NLY W4Y
7H47 1 KN0W H0W 70D4Y.
1 H0P3 7H47 Y0U C4N F1GUR3 0U7
7H3 W0RD5 1’M 7RY1NG 70 54Y.

1F Y0U C4N R34D 7H15 M3554GE,
17 M34N5 Y0U’R3 R34LLY 5M4R7.
17 4L50 M34N5 7H47 MY
C0MPU73R’5 K3YB04RD F3LL 4P4RT.

Hello, My Name is Madison

Hello, my name is Madison.
I live on Lincoln Street.
I’m in the state of Washington.
I think that’s pretty neat.

My middle name is Kennedy.
My last name is Monroe.
My name has got more Presidents
than anyone I know.

My father’s name is Harrison.
My brother’s name is Grant.
My mother’s name is Reagan,
and Taylor is my aunt.

I go to Eisenhower School.
My family drives a Ford.
That’s way too many Presidents
to ever be ignored.

It can’t just be coincidence.
It’s not some chance event.
When I grow up, it’s obvious…
I’ll be the President!

I Met a Lonely Octopus

I met a lonely octopus
while sitting on a docktopus
and he began to talktopus
and this is what he said:

“Hello, my name is Jacquestopus.
I’d like to take a walktopus
perhaps around the blocktopus
or to the park instead.”

I didn’t mean to gawktopus,
but I was in such shocktopus
to meet a talking octopus,
I must have lost my head.

It seems I socked poor Jacquestopus
and knocked him off the docktopus,
and so that talking octopus
got fairly scared, and fled.

I hope someday that Jacquestopus
forgives me for the socktopus
and comes back to the docktopus
where he can meet my croctopus
who says his name is Fred.

When Chemists Die, They Barium

When chemists die, they barium.
Dead kings get throne away.
Magicians simply disappear.
Dog catchers go astray.

When chauffeurs pass, they lose their drive.
Dead ranchers get deranged.
Composers simply decompose,
while bankers are unchanged.

It’s said that swimmers have a stroke.
Mechanics are retired.
The end for human cannonballs
is often when they’re fired.

Librarians, they just check out.
Shoemakers get the boot.
Old cows just kick the bucket, and
dead owls don’t give a hoot.

When travel agents go
they take a permanent vacation,
and dead cartoonists end up
in suspended animation.

The Setter Sweater Store

My setter has a sweater
from The Setter Sweater Store.
It’s better than the sweater
that my setter had before.

Her sweater has a letter
in the center of the chest.
(The lettered setter sweaters
are what setters like the best.)

And if you ever met her
you could get to pet her sweater.
(You should pet a lettered sweater;
there’s no setter sweater better!)

So if your pet’s a setter
then I bet you’ll pet her more
if you get her lettered sweaters
from The Setter Sweater Store.

What a Ham

My brother’s always such a ham.
That’s my biggest beef.
His puns are all so cheesy
and he will not lettuce leaf.

His gags are somewhat onionique.
They make us want to cry.
They’re often sort of corny,
and they’re never all that rye.

And even if we’re chili,
in thyme he’ll find a reason
to pepper us with salty jokes
no matter what the season.

I mustard up the courage
to dessert one afternoon.
He lightly toasted me and said,
“I’ll ketchup with you soon.”

But now I’m in a pickle.
See, a nickel’s all I’ve got.
He says his jokes are ten cents each.
I mayo him a lot.

My Hare Is Resting on My Head

My hare is resting on my head.
I also have bear feet.
A swallow’s in my throat
and there are calves below my seat.

A seal is on my lips today.
A slug is on my fist.
A mussel’s on my shoulder
and a tick is on my wrist.

A wasp is on my yellow jacket
where it likes to bee.
A fly is on my zipper,
though I wish that it would flea.

My doe is in my wallet
and my sole is on my shoe.
I hope my tail was not a boar.
What’s gnu, my deer, with ewe?

My Favorite Words

Spatula.
Linoleum.
Persnickety.
Bermuda.
Cattywumpus.
Flabbergasted.
Fuddy-duddy.
Gouda.

Nincompoop
and scuttlebutt.
Kerfuffle
and gazebo.
Dipthong.
Macadamia.
Skedaddle
and placebo.

Spackle.
Grackle.
Folderol.
Galoshes.
Dollop.
Frizzle.
Uvula.
Mustachioed.
Jacuzzi.
Juju.
Swizzle.

Tighty-whitey.
Hoity-toity.
Hurly-burly.
Spleen.
Piggly-wiggly.
Artsy-fartsy.
Namby-pamby.
Preen.

That’s my list
of favorite words,
the greatest
words around.
I really don’t care
what they mean.
I love the way
they sound.