Try to Lick Your Elbow
Your elbow’s pretty hard to reach,
although it’s awfully near.
Just try to lick your elbow,
or to put it in your ear.
You cannot reach your elbow
with your shoulder or your nose.
It’s practically impossible
to touch it with your toes.
Your elbow won’t go near your neck,
your forehead, or your eyes.
If you could touch it to your spine,
I think you’d win a prize.
I tried to lick my elbow once,
and I came pretty close.
But then I stopped and realized,
like, OMG! That’s gross!
Book Storm
I wasn’t doing anything;
just lying on my bed,
when my dictionary tumbled down
and smacked me on the head.
Then Harry Potter toppled off,
and Judy Moody too.
I almost got knocked out by
Wimpy Kid and Nancy Drew.
Then Fancy Nancy whacked me.
All those Goosebumps were intense;
they landed with A Series
of Unfortunate Events.
So now I’m in a pile of books.
It’s something of a shame.
This never should have happened;
I have just my shelf to blame.
I Made Myself a Sandwich
One Warm, Sunny Day
One warm, sunny day
on a cold, snowy night,
the inky-black darkness
was sunny and bright.
The evening that morning–
that midnight at noon–
was late in December,
one April in June.
I stood where I sat
as I ran, lying still,
deep down in a valley
on top of a hill.
The people beside me
were nowhere around.
The birds in the sky were
all deep underground.
The fish in the tree
were asleep in their nest,
and watched the sun set
as it rose in the west.
Yes, that’s what I saw
when my eyes were closed tight,
one warm, sunny day
on a cold, snowy night.
My Mirror Likes to Argue
My mirror likes to argue.
He likes to fight and feud.
He often disagrees with me.
He’s regularly rude.
He’s fond of making faces.
He loves to sneer and scowl.
And, if I scream and shout at him,
he’ll holler, hoot, and howl.
I wish I’d never met him.
I wish he’d go away.
I wish I didn’t chance upon him
several times a day.
I think perhaps the next time
he starts to disagree,
I’ll smile at him to see if maybe
he’ll be nice to me.
Random Miranda
I’m Random Miranda.
Bananas are good.
Remember the alphabet.
Dinosaurs would.
The things that I tell you,
may seem rather strange,
but that’s just because
here’s a dollar in change.
And next week I’m going to
isn’t this fun?
So never let anyone
hamburger bun.
If maybe you’re wondering
what’s going on,
please let me explain it.
The milk is all gone.
When doing your homework
that man is a spy.
I’m happy to see you.
Just give it a try.
This pencil is purple
and everyone should.
Your dad is a doughnut.
Bananas are good.
This may seem bizarre but
it’s just what I do.
I’m Random Miranda,
so thanks for the shoe.
The Cough
Instructions for Painting a Self-Portrait
1. Get yourself a mirror
and some brushes
and some paint.
2. Paint the mirror
where your face is.
Don’t paint where it ain’t.
It’s Raining in My Bedroom
It’s raining in my bedroom.
It’s been this way all week.
I think the upstairs neighbor’s plumbing
might have sprung a leak.
They may be on vacation.
They must be out of town.
And, all the while, my bedroom rain
continues pouring down.
My shoes have gotten soggy.
My bed is growing mold.
A pond is forming on my floor.
It’s all so wet and cold,
that frogs have started spawning.
An otter wandered through
with salmon splashing upstream,
and some guy in a canoe.
Now waves are growing larger.
The weather’s turning grim.
A tide is rising rapidly.
I’m glad that I can swim.
My parents called the plumber.
He’s nowhere to be seen.
Does anybody know where I
can buy a submarine?
The Tall Tale of Shorty SmallShorty Small
was very tall
despite his humble name.
In fact, his height
was quite a sight,
and Shorty’s claim to fame.
Yes, Shorty Small
was so, so tall,
to reach to comb his hair,
he’d have to climb,
for quite some time,
a ladder way up there.
To tie his shoes,
he had to use
a rope or knotted sheet
to clamber down
toward the ground
to even reach his feet.
And that is all
of Shorty Small
that’s worthy to report.
For, overall,
although he’s tall,
his tale is rather short.
