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“My brother is still in his bedroom.
No doubt he’ll be getting up soon.
But last night he stayed up till midnight,
so maybe he’ll sleep until noon.
“I haven’t gone into his bedroom.
Whenever I do he gets mad.
If anyone woke him this morning,
I’m guessing it must have been dad.
“It’s probably best not to bug him.
I try to stay out of his way.”
Yes, that’s what I said when mom asked me
if I woke up grumpy today.
–Kenn Nesbitt
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To learn to juggle prickly pears
can take a lot of practice.
It takes a thousand shrieks and swears
to learn to juggle cactus.
Just try to juggle porcupines!
You’re guaranteed to scream.
Anemones with all their spines
are equally extreme.
To stop the painful pokes and stings
you must get metal mittens
or else just juggle fluffy things.
That’s why I juggle kittens.
–Kenn Nesbitt
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I’m the toughest pastry maker who has ever baked a cake.
My impressive little pastries are impossible to break.
Yes, my cookies and my cupcakes will defeat the strongest jaws,
while my muffins are impervious to power drills and saws.
You have never seen a danish or a donut quite so strong
and I bake the fiercest fruitcake that has ever come along.
You can chew on them till doomsday, you can chew till kingdom come,
but you’ll never get a nibble, not a solitary crumb.
You can whack them with a hammer, you can hit them with a stick.
You can stab them with a dagger, you can beat them with a brick.
You can drop them from an airplane, you can blast them with a bomb
but my pastries will exhibit only peacefulness and calm.
I expect you’ll want to test them. I encourage you to try,
but you’ll never make a mark on them and here’s the reason why:
I do something with my recipes no other bakers do;
when the cookbook calls for “milk” or “water,” I use Crazy Glue.
–Kenn Nesbitt
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Mr. Brown, the circus clown
puts his clothes on upside down.
He wears his hat upon his toes
and socks and shoes upon his nose.
He ties his ties around his thighs
and wraps his belt around his eyes.
He hangs his earrings from his hips
and stockings from his fingertips.
He puts his glasses on his feet
and shirt and coat around his seat.
And when he’s dressed, at last he stands
and walks around upon his hands.
–Kenn Nesbitt
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My puppy plays piano.
It’s the strangest thing to see.
It seems, while I was practicing,
he learned by watching me.
He started out on chopsticks,
then he learned to play some Bach.
It wasn’t long before he knew
the blues and classic rock.
He also taught my kitten how
so they could play duets,
and then they taught guitar and drums
to all my other pets.
They formed a band and practiced hard
and traveled all around,
and instantly got famous
for their catchy “Pet Rock” sound.
They made a smash hit record
and it wasn’t very long
before my pets were millionaires
because they wrote this song.
–Kenn Nesbitt
