Ode on a UnicycleUnicycle, unicycle,
radiant and round.
Spying you, you spoke to me
without a single sound.
Unicycle, unicycle,
beautiful and kind,
like the petals on a flower
wheeling through my mind.
Unicycle, unicycle,
you’re my one desire.
Losing you would break my heart.
Of you I’ll never tire.
Unicycle, unicycle
always by my side.
That’s, of course, because you are
impossible to ride.
Traditional ChristmasWe have a traditional family,
so Christmas is always the same;
we hang up spaghetti and doughnuts
and break out the Slip-N-Slide game.
We stand in the tub in our costumes
of pickles and papier-mache.
We sing “Old MacDonald” til noontime
then practice our indoor croquet.
We gather in front of the toaster
to bask in its radiant glow
while dining on frozen carnations
and filling our pockets with snow.
The highlight is juggling toothpicks
till Grandma gets poked in the eye.
While waiting to hear from the doctor,
we bake a banana cream pie.
Then lastly we put on our helmets
and posture in silly positions.
It’s fun to be part of a family
with so many Christmas traditions.
All My Great Excuses
I started on my homework
but my pen ran out of ink.
My hamster ate my homework.
My computer’s on the blink.
I accidentally dropped it
in the soup my mom was cooking.
My brother flushed it down the toilet
when I wasn’t looking.
My mother ran my homework
through the washer and the dryer.
An airplane crashed into our house.
My homework caught on fire.
Tornadoes blew my notes away.
Volcanoes struck our town.
My notes were taken hostage
by an evil killer clown.
Some aliens abducted me.
I had a shark attack.
A pirate swiped my homework
and refused to give it back.
I worked on these excuses
so darned long my teacher said,
“I think you’ll find it’s easier
to do the work instead.”
My Teacher Took My iPod
My teacher took my iPod.
She said they had a rule;
I couldn’t bring it into class
or even to the school.
She said she would return it;
I’d have it back that day.
But then she tried my headphones on
and gave a click on Play.
She looked a little startled,
but after just a while
she made sure we were occupied
and cracked a wicked smile.
Her body started swaying.
Her toes began to tap.
She started grooving in her seat
and rocking to the rap.
My teacher said she changed her mind.
She thinks it’s now okay
to bring my iPod into class.
She takes it every day.
Today I Got a Valentine
Today I got a Valentine
from everyone but Kay.
But that’s alright…
I never liked her that much anyway.
She never trades her Oreos.
She isn’t good at catch.
She doesn’t like my favorite bands.
Her socks don’t often match.
She doesn’t play computer games.
She wears her hair in braids.
She’s something of a teacher’s pet
and always gets good grades.
She dots her i’s with little hearts.
She’s always reading books.
Whenever I’m around, she gives me
such confusing looks.
But, oh my goodness, here comes Kay,
and what is this I see?
It seems she has an extra special
Valentine for me.
It’s big and red and has the words
“Will you be mine today?”
I always said there’s no one else
I like as much as Kay.
My Book Report Is Due Today
My book report is due today.
I haven’t finished yet.
In fact, I haven’t started,
which I’m coming to regret.
I haven’t even read the book.
I put it off so long.
I thought I’d have a lot of time.
It looks like I was wrong.
I’d ask my older brother
what this book is all about,
but he’s already left for school
and cannot help me out.
I’d hustle to the movie store
and rent the DVD,
but I don’t even have the time
to watch it on TV.
I guess I’ll have to fake it
and pretend I read the book.
Then write a bunch of nonsense
and assorted gobbledygook.
It’s either that, or do the thing
my conscience knows is right:
I’ll claim I’m sick and stay at home
and finish it tonight.
Charlie Has the Chicken PoxCharlie has the chicken pox.
Fiona has the flu.
Colin has a dreadful cold
and Thomas has one too.
Carly’s got an awful cough.
Mikayla has the mumps.
Robert’s got a runny nose
and painful reddish bumps.
Lee came down with laryngitis.
Steven’s got a sneeze.
Stuart has a stomach ache
from some obscure disease.
Teacher told us just today
her birthday’s very near.
Guess what gifts our teacher
can expect from us this year?
When Sarah Surfs the InternetWhen Sarah surfs the Internet
she starts by checking mail.
She answers all her messages
from friends in great detail.
She plays a game, or maybe two,
and watches a cartoon,
then chats with kids in places
like Rwanda and Rangoon.
She reads about her favorite bands.
She buys an MP3.
She downloads movie trailers
and she looks for stuff for free.
She reads about celebrities
and dreams of wealth and fame,
then watches music videos
and plays another game.
If you should say, “Your time is up.
I need to use the Net,”
she always whines, “I haven’t got
my homework finished yet!”
Our Teacher’s a Football Fanatic
Our teacher’s a football fanatic.
It’s all that he has on his mind.
He listens to games on his headphones,
and frets when his team is behind.
He jumps up and down with they’re winning.
He screams when they fumble a pass.
We know we’re supposed to be reading,
but watching him’s simply a gas.
Our principal walked in on Friday,
and he was too angry to speak.
Our substitute started on Monday.
Our teacher’s been benched for a week.
You Can Argue with a Tennis Ball
You can argue with a tennis ball
or argue with your hat.
You can argue with bananas
or a broken baseball bat.
You can argue with your locker.
You can argue with your shoe.
You can argue all day long
until your face is turning blue.
You can argue with a pickle.
You can argue with a bee.
It’s a fact that you can argue
with most anything you see.
You can argue with the football field
or argue with the bleachers.
But I’ve found it isn’t very smart
to argue with the teachers.