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Hooray Hooray it's New Year's Day by Kenn Nesbitt Hooray! Hooray! It’s New Year’s Day

Hooray! Hooray! It’s New Year’s Day!
The day we start anew.
So this year I’ve decided
to become a kangaroo.

Or maybe I will learn to fly,
or how to walk through walls,
or how to turn invisible,
or surf on waterfalls.

I’ll make myself elastic
and I’ll teach myself to shrink.
I’ll turn into a liquid
and I’ll pour me down the sink.

I’ll visit other planets
and meet aliens galore.
I’ll travel to the distant past
and ride a dinosaur.

I’ve got so many wondrous plans.
I’m starting right away.
Yes, this will be the best year yet.
Hooray! It’s New Year’s Day!

The Night Santa Claus Came by Kenn Nesbitt The Night Santa Claus Came

Author’s Note: Unlike most of my poems, this one is not
intended to be funny. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
This retelling of the classic poem “The Night Before Christmas”
is my holiday gift to you, my readers.
–Kenn

The Night Santa Claus Came by Kenn Nesbitt
December can bring such miraculous things
when the nights are enduring and cold,
and some have seen sights on those cold winter nights
that they marvel in awe to behold.

They’ve witnessed the hues of the purples and blues
as the Northern Lights put on a show.
They’ve heard the wind howl like a wolf on the prowl,
and seen orchids that bloom in the snow.

But some of the things that the wintertime brings,
well, you may find them hard to believe,
and the greatest of all that I ever recall
was a year ago, last Christmas eve.

The world was aglow in a blanket of snow
that reflected the stars in the night.
The evening was still with a crisp winter chill,
and our rooftop was mantled in white.

And here in our house, it was I and my spouse;
we were snuggled up warm in our bed,
while the children were deep in a wonderful sleep
as they dreamed of the morning ahead.

The garlands were strung and the stockings were hung
and the tinsel was draped on the tree.
The halls, decked with holly, looked festive and jolly,
exactly as Christmas should be.

A peace filled the air in the hall, on the stairs,
and all through our household that night.
The sandman was prodding for me to start nodding
and whispering, “Everything’s right.”

When, out of the quiet, there came such a riot
and rumble of sound from outside.
I leapt from my bed, shook the fog from my head,
and I opened the window up wide.

I looked to the sky when I heard a voice cry
from away in the distance off yonder,
“Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Vixen! Now Prancer!
On Comet! On Cupid! On Donder!”

“On Blitzen!” he cried, and at last I espied
the person I’d heard to exclaim.
A man in a sleigh was descending my way
as he called to his reindeer by name.

He soared through the night like an eagle in flight,
as his reindeer were nimble and quick,
and I knew right away that the man in the sleigh
was none other than jolly Saint Nick.

He called a command for the reindeer to land
and they set like a rustling of leaves,
then came to a stop near the chimney up top,
at the crest of our snow-covered eaves.

He sprang from his sleigh, dusting snowflakes away,
with a laugh that was bright and content.
Then he hefted a sack full of toys on his back,
and straight down the chimney he went.

I flew down the stairs to find Santa was there,
and was struck by the way he appeared;
he looked joyful and cheery, and not a bit weary,
and smiled through his snowy white beard.

His coat was as red as the hat on his head,
and his boots were as black as his belt.
His collar and cuffs were of downy white fluff
and his gloves were of ivory felt.

His cheeks and his nose were as red as a rose,
and the face of that jolly great gent
had eyes that would twinkle and sparkle and crinkle
as straight to his business he went.

He pulled from his sack a collection of track,
and he set up a train near the tree.
Then presents came out and he set them about
for the children, their mother, and me.

Then Santa let go with a great “Ho, ho, ho!”
as he finished his work at the tree.
He gave me a wink, and was up in a blink,
and he stuffed all the stockings with glee.

At last, with a “poof” he returned to the roof
so I ran to the window to view
as Santa called out with a whoop and a shout,
and away in a twinkling they flew.

He turned and he gave me a laugh and a wave
as his sleigh and his reindeer took flight,
and I heard Santa call, “Merry Christmas to all,
and to all, have a jolly good night!”

And that’s when I knew that the stories were true
for it happened here last Christmas Eve.
Yes, December can bring some miraculous things,
if you open your heart and believe.

My Elephant Thinks I’m Wonderful

My elephant thinks I’m wonderful.
My elephant thinks I’m cool.
My elephant hangs around with me
and follows me into school.

My elephant likes the way I look.
He thinks that I’m fun and smart.
He thinks that I’m kind and generous
and have a terrific heart.

My elephant thinks I’m brave and bold.
He’s proud of my strength and guts.
But mostly he likes the way I smell.
My elephant thinks I’m nuts.

Peter Prim the Fire Eater by Kenn Nesbitt Peter Prim the Fire-Eater

Peter Prim the fire-eater
ate a propane camping heater,
followed by a butane lighter,
and a barbecue igniter.
Next he drank some gasoline,
and a quart of kerosene
(or perhaps it was a liter;
no one knows for sure but Peter).
Last, to finish off the batch
Peter ate a flaming match.
Bits of Peter Prim, they say,
lit a half a mile away
(or perhaps a kilometer;
who’s to say except for Peter?).
Nothing more was seen of him.
Rest in pieces, Peter Prim.

Galactic Greetings Galactic Greetings

On Saturn there’s no “Season’s Greetings!”
Neptune, no “Noel!”
On Mercury no “Merry Christmas!”
Uranus as well.

On Pluto there’s no “Happy New Year!”
Mars, no “Ho Ho Ho!”
No “Jingle Bells” on Jupiter.
No Venus “Let it Snow!”

Those planets have no Christmas,
which is why it’s said with mirth,
“A Merry Christmas one and all,
we wish you Peace on Earth.”

Weight for Christmas by Kenn Nesbitt Weight for Christmas

Mom has joined a diet center.
Dad has joined a gym.
Mom complains her clothes won’t fit.
Dad says same with him.

Thirty days they’ll exercise
and diet like they’re mad.
Until at last they’ll give it up;
this yearly fitness fad.

Each December’s just the same:
We feast till we could burst.
Then Mom and Dad start dieting
on January First.

Gabby the Garbage Collector by Kenn Nesbitt Gabby the Garbage Collector

I’m Gabby, the Garbage Collector.
I pick up your garbage all year.
It fills me with glee that you’d save it for me.
Collecting’s a thrilling career.

I like to get bottles and boxes,
banana peels, bedsprings and bags.
I’m simply ecstatic with stuff from your attic,
like roasting pans, racquets and rags.

Your coffee grounds give me the shivers.
I cherish your chicken bones too.
I’m over the moon about half-eaten prunes,
and moldy old vegetable stew.

I’m crazy for custard containers,
and egg cartons brimming with shells.
I love the corrosion, decay and erosion
and all of the glorious smells.

Your half-empty packets of ketchup,
instill me with chills of delight.
Just one rusted key or a broken CD,
and swiftly my spirit takes flight.

I have the most awesome assemblage.
I treasure each tidbit and lump.
You’re welcome to see my collection for free;
It’s here on display at the dump.

I Went to School to Learn to Read by Kenn Nesbitt I Went to School to Learn to Read

I went to school to learn to read,
but learned instead of trouts in tweed.
I thought they’d show us how to write.
They showed a fig could fly a kite.

Instead of having history class
we caught gorillas in a glass,
then didn’t learn arithmetic,
but watched as Tuesday did a trick.

We also skipped geography
to learn why eggs can disagree.
And then, instead of taking art,
we learned to take the air apart.

Instead of having science there,
we played with pigs with purple hair.
We learned to catch a savage chair
and why balloons are really square.

We learned the moon can eat the sun
and why bananas like to run.
It’s true, we may get nothing done,
but, boy, it sure is lots of fun.

Today I Had a Problem by Kenn Nesbitt Today I Had a Problem

Today I had a problem
when I tried to make my bed.
My blankets and my comforter
got wrapped around my head.

I went to fluff the pillows
but the pillow cover tore,
and feathers flew all over
as I stumbled ’round the floor.

I accidentally grabbed the sheets
and pulled them as I fell.
I have to say, it seems
my day’s not starting off too well.

I tripped upon a pillowcase
and landed in a heap.
Good grief! That’s it! I’m staying here
and going back to sleep!

A Fish in a Spaceship

A Fish in a Spaceship

A fish in a spaceship is flying through school.
A dinosaur’s dancing on top of a stool.
The library’s loaded with orange baboons,
in purple tuxedos with bows and balloons.

The pigs on the playground are having a race
while pencils parade in their linens and lace.
As camels do cartwheels and elephants fly,
bananas are baking a broccoli pie.

A hundred gorillas are painting the walls,
while robots on rockets careen through the halls.
Tomatoes are teaching in all of the classes.
Or maybe, just maybe, I need some new glasses.