Topic: Song

If You Ever Meet an Elephant

If you ever meet an elephant who wants to join your band,
it’s the sort of situation that will never go as planned,
so you’d better tell him “No” and try to make him understand,
before he starts to play.

First he’ll stumble and go crashing.
Then your stuff will take a bashing.
He’ll be dancing as he’s smashing.
He’ll act like this all day.

Then you’ll never make him leave because he’s happy as a clam
and it doesn’t make a difference if you yell at him to scram
when the only thing he wants to do is jump around and jam
and never go away.

He’ll be walloping and whacking.
Then you’ll need financial backing.
So you’d better send him packing
before he starts to play.

From the Ants in Our Petnuia Bed

(to the tune of “The Marine’s Hymn” or “From the Halls of Montezuma”)

From the ants in our petunia bed
to the earthworms in our lawn;
they’ve been practicing karate drills
every morning right at dawn.

All the beetles and the katydids
and the caterpillars, too,
have been learning judo, tae kwon do,
sumo wrestling, and kung fu.

They’ve been mastering the flying kick.
They’ve been breaking bricks and boards.
And I think they may have even learned
how to fight with ninja swords.

They’ve been marching all around the yard
to the sound of beating drums.
I would say they’re nearly ready for
when the pest control guy comes.

Monkey Dream

(to the tune of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” or “Glory, Glory Hallelujah”)

I dreamed that there were twenty monkeys bouncing on my bed.
They were jumping up and down and nearly landing on my head.
Then they started having pillow fights and throwing stuff instead.
I loved my dream that day!

Stuff went flying through the air then.
First a picture then a chair, then
all my socks and underwear then.
I loved my dream that day!

They ran around my bedroom throwing basketballs and bats.
They had toppled all my trophies. They were tossing all my hats.
It was obvious those monkeys were a bunch of little brats.
I’m not sure what to say!

Books went flying out the door, and
clothes were pulled from every drawer, and
junk had covered up the floor, and
I wished they’d go away!

I woke to find my bedroom a complete and total mess.
It was utterly in shambles and a state of some distress.
Then I knew my dream was just a dream for, sadly, I confess,
it always looks this way!

The Tighty-Whitey Spider


The tighty-whitey spider went down the waterslide.
Got a water wedgie halfway down the ride.
Jumped up and screamed and ran around in pain.
Now the tighty-whitey spider will not do that again.

On Top of Mount Everest

(to the tune of “On Top of Old Smokey”)

On top of Mount Everest,
all covered with snow,
a skiing gorilla
yelled, “Look out below!”

He skied down the mountain
at breathtaking speed
as everyone cheered at
his daredevil deed.

Hi skied down a glacier
He jumped a cravasse.
Then tripped on a boulder
and fell on his head.

He staggered and stumbled.
He let out a yell.
He toppled and tumbled
and flipped as he fell.

So soon that gorilla
was covered with snow.
A big hairy snowball
that started to grow.

He rolled down the mountain.
He bounced and he flew,
then bumped into base camp;
his journey was through.

With skis sticking outward
like popsicle sticks,
the people who saw him
applauded his tricks.

And when they unfroze him
and said what he’d done,
he got an idea and
a lightbulb went on.

So now that gorilla
is a millionaire
for he had invented
the popsicle there.

And now when he’s skiing
you won’t see him crash.
Instead of Mount Everest,
he skis mountains of cash.

Ferret Soccer

Ferret Soccer

Ferret soccer!
Ferret soccer!
Come with me.
Let’s go see.
I have heard that, mainly,
ferrets play insanely.
That sound great!
I can’t wait!

Ferret soccer.
Ferret soccer.
There’s a kick,
hard and quick.
Aiming at the goalie,
but he’s moving slowly.
Hit his snout.
Knocked him out!

Ferret soccer.
What a shocker.
Holy cow!
What’s up now?
Took a new approach and
aimed it at the coach and
he’s out cold.
That was bold!

Ferret soccer.
Off their rocker.
This is bad.
They’ve gone mad.
Sending balls a-flying.
Audience is crying.
Got us too.
Big boo hoo.

Game is over.
Game is over.
Ferrets win.
See them grin.
That was such a thrill. Hey,
I can’t wait until they
play again.
Let’s go then.

Get Me Out of the Fish Tank

Get me out of the fish tank.
Get me out of this bowl.
I was just trying to catch the fish.
They looked tempting and awfully delish
but I slipped and fell in the fish tank
and now my future looks grim.
I just went to see and found out something:
Cat’s don’t swim.

Won’t you give me a hand here?
All I need is a lift.
Help and I promise I won’t come back.
I’ll go elsewhere when I need a snack,
for I’ve learned a valuable lesson;
I know it’s not safe in here,
and the next time I want the fish I’ll bring
scuba gear!

Home for the Day

Oh, give me the phone,
so that I can call home,
and my mom can come get me today.
I’m feeling so sick.
Get me out of here quick.
Oh, I just need to go home and stay.

Home, home for the day.
Yes, I just need to go home and stay.
For the truth of it is,
teacher gave us a quiz,
and I just wasn’t ready today.

Let Me out of the Classroom

Let me out of the classroom.
Let me out of the school.
I’m not so good at geography.
I would rather be watching T.V.

It’s still twenty minutes till recess.
Lunch is hours away.
Won’t you please, please, please get me out
of the class today?

Someone’s here with a note now.
Teacher’s calling my name.
He says my mother is right outside.
I should go and she’ll give me a ride

to my yearly dentist appointment.
I forgot it’s today!
Teacher please, please, please help me out.
Won’t you let me stay?

I’ve Been Surfing Lots of Websites

I’ve been surfing lots of websites
here at school all day.
Now I’m getting all these pop-ups
and they will not go away.
This computer has a virus.
Spyware is using all the RAM.
Every time I check my email
all I see is spam.

Pop-ups left and right.
Spam all day and night.
Trojan horses on the hard drive too.
Viruses and worms.
Cybernetic germs.
Don’t know what I’m gonna do.

Hackers got my password in China.
Spammers got my address in Idaho, oh.
Now I’m getting spyware from Thailand,
viruses from Mexico.

I’m freaking…
See the DVD drive groan.
See the memory go slow, slow, slow, slow.
See the monitor top smoke.
This computer’s gonna blow.