Author: Kenn Nesbitt

This poem was inspired by some real-life hair-raising moments in my family. When my daughter was about six years old, she decided, without warning, to cut her own hair one morning before school. Let’s just say the results were… not great. I had to do a quick fix before we dashed out the door. Then, years later, when she was a teenager, she offered to cut her older brother’s hair. That one didn’t go so well either. And, once again, I was the emergency barber. Fortunately, she never tried to cut her parents hair or give the pets a trim. But these memories made me think: what if a kid just couldn’t stop giving haircuts? This is…

My Sister Found Some Scissors

My sister found some scissors.
She climbed up on a chair.
She stood before the mirror
and snipped off all her hair.

She thought it was exciting,
and so, when she was through,
she gave the dog a haircut.
She gave the cat one too.

I even let her cut mine.
She didn’t do too bad.
But when our parents found out,
my goodness, they were mad.

She tried to be a barber.
Now she’s in trouble deep.
She practiced on our parents
while they were both asleep.

— Kenn Nesbitt

My friend and colleague Alan Katz , author of the “Silly Dilly” song books such as Take Me Out of the Bathtub, mentioned that going to be doing a performance called “The Joke Show” and he said that it’s called a “show” because you’re expected to “show up.” Since we both write funny poems, I jokingly asked if there “would be a showdown if I showed up?” As soon as I said it, I realized there was the seed of a poem in there. My wife was on the phone with her mother at the time and as soon as she hung up, she told me that her mom had given her the “lowdown.” That cinched it. I knew I had to write a showdown poem. I hope you enjoy the result.

The Showdown

The bad guys in the black hats,
and the good guys in the white,
declared there’d be a showdown
in the village square tonight.

The word went out for miles around,
so people got the lowdown.
And everyone decided they
should go down to the showdown.

With everybody driving
on the highway to the showdown,
the traffic got so bad that it
became a massive slowdown.

And in the end, the bad guys
and the good guys had no throwdown.
The roads were blocked, so nobody
could show up at the showdown.

— Kenn Nesbitt

Summer is here, and the days are getting hot! I wrote this poem a couple of years ago for Storyworks 2 magazine, just in time for the end of the school year. Now that July has arrived again and the days are scorching, it felt like the perfect moment to share it on the website, along with a little “ice advice.” After all, there’s nothing better than a cool, sweet treat on a scorching day… as long as you remember how to treat your treat. This is…

Ice Pops, Ice Pops

Ice pops, ice pops.
A tasty frozen treat.

Ice pops, ice pops.
Delicious, cold, and sweet.

Nice pops, ice pops,
in summer can’t be beat.

But don’t drop. Ice PLOPS
aren’t as good to eat.

— Kenn Nesbitt

Sometimes the silliest ideas make for the funniest poems. This one started with a simple question: What if someone was really, really good at burping? I mean unbelievably good. That idea made me laugh, so I knew I had to run with it. The result is a poem that plays with repetition, exaggeration, and a little bit of mischief—just the kind of humor that makes poetry extra fun. I hope you enjoy meeting one of the world’s most talented burpers… even if not everyone in her family appreciates her skills. This is…

Bernadette the Burper

Bernadette the burper
is the greatest in the land.
She so adept at burping
she can do it on command.

There’s never been a burper
quite as skilled as Bernadette.
She’ll burp the Happy Birthday song,
and then the alphabet.

She’ll burp the periodic table
and the fifty states.
She’ll burp the works of Shakespeare,
Wordsworth, Tennyson, and Yeats.

But every time she burps a burp
it drives her father wild.
He says they’re inappropriate
and unfit for a child.

He says she shouldn’t ever burp.
He tells her that it’s rude.
He says that burping’s impolite,
disgusting, gross, and crude.

So Bernadette agreed to stop
and held them in all day.
Her father changed his mind
when they came out the other way.

— Kenn Nesbitt