Once you start trying to take over the world, you are going to find lots of government spies and secret agents trying to infiltrate your fortress and disable your doomsday devices. Step 9 of The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World will teach you how to handily dispatch the forces of good so you can laugh maniacally and then go about your business of planning to conquer the planet.
Author: Kenn Nesbitt
Mr. Brown the Circus Clown
Mr. Brown, the circus clown
puts his clothes on upside down.
He wears his hat upon his toes
and socks and shoes upon his nose.
He ties his ties around his thighs
and wraps his belt around his eyes.
He hangs his earrings from his hips
and stockings from his fingertips.
He puts his glasses on his feet
and shirt and coat around his seat.
And when he’s dressed, at last he stands
and walks around upon his hands.
–Kenn Nesbitt
My Puppy Plays Piano
My puppy plays piano.
It’s the strangest thing to see.
It seems, while I was practicing,
he learned by watching me.
He started out on chopsticks,
then he learned to play some Bach.
It wasn’t long before he knew
the blues and classic rock.
He also taught my kitten how
so they could play duets,
and then they taught guitar and drums
to all my other pets.
They formed a band and practiced hard
and traveled all around,
and instantly got famous
for their catchy “Pet Rock” sound.
They made a smash hit record
and it wasn’t very long
before my pets were millionaires
because they wrote this song.
–Kenn Nesbitt
How to Take Over the World, Step 8 – Building Doomsday Devices
Taking over the world can be loads of fun, especially when you’re learning to construct giant space lasers, blow up the moon, rip the fabric of space-time, invent nano-robot armies, and create mutant zombie kitten viruses. Step 8 of The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World will teach you how to do all of these and more.
How to Take Over the World, Step 7 – Of Monsters and Minions
In your quest for ultimate power, you’re going to need to create armies of giant, slobbering mutant monsters and lots of minions to do your bidding. Step 7 of The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World is the perfect resource for learning how to clone monsters and recruit minions. Get it now before it’s too late.
How to Take Over the World, Step 6 – Dressing for Conquest
No matter what kind of villain you are — Mad Scientist, Evil Genius, or Tin Pot Dictator — you are going to want to dress the part. Step 6 of The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World will educate you on the proper outfits for any would-be world ruler.
How to Take Over the World, Step 5 – Stopping Time for Fun and Profit
Wouldn’t it be cool if you could stop time and then run around a play pranks on everyone while they were frozen in their tracks? Step 5 of The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World will not only show you how to stop time, it will tell you what to do once it’s stopped.
How to Take Over the World, Step 4 – Building Evil Robots
If you want to take over the world with style, you’re going to need robots. Evil robots. Armies of evil robots. And cupcakes. Lots of cupcakes. Step 4 of The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World will show you how to build robots, turn them evil, and maybe even teach them how to bake.
How to Take Over the World, Step 3 – Equipping Your Underground Lair
Every evil genius needs a place to get away to plot the overthrow of humanity. A bunker. A fortress. A hideout. A really big closet. Whatever. Step 3 of The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World will show you how to build and equip a lair that’s perfect for hatching your diabolical plans.
How to Take Over the World, Step 2 – Making a Name for Yourself
You’re going to need a better name than Brandon or Emma if you plan to take over the planet. Step 2 of The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World will show you how to make a name for yourself.