Tag: funny

A Reindeer for Christmas

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

Dear Santa, this Christmas my list is quite small.
In fact, I need practically nothing at all.
My list is so short and so easy to read
because there’s just one thing I actually need.

A reindeer for Christmas is all I require;
a reindeer, of course, who’s an excellent flier.
I really don’t care if it’s Dasher or Dancer.
I’m okay with Cupid or Comet or Prancer.

Please don’t think I’m greedy; I only want one.
You won’t even miss him, and I’ll have such fun.
I promise I’ll feed him and treat him just right,
and take him out flying around every night.

You see, I’m not selfish. So for my surprise
this Christmas, please bring me a reindeer that flies.
But if my request is a bit much for you,
I guess that an iPod will just have to do.

–Kenn Nesbitt

An Interview with Children’s Poet Ted Scheu

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

Ted Scheu, That Poetry Guy

Ted Scheu, That Poetry Guy

Ted Scheu (pronounced “shy”), also known as “That Poetry Guy,” has been writing funny poetry for kids for a dozen years now. His poems have appeared in many anthologies in the US and the UK, and he has published four collections of humorous children’s poetry.

His newest book, Now I Know My ZBCs: 59 School Poems for Young Gigglers is available now.

I had the chance to interview Ted recently about his poetry and you can listen to our conversation here.

Recipe for Disaster

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

A box of melted crayons.
A cup of Elmer’s glue.
A pint of watercolor paint.
Some Silly Putty too.

A half a pound of Play-Doh.
About a pint of paste.
A tablespoon of flubber
to improve the final taste.

I looked through all the cupboards
for things I could include.
If it was marked “Non-Toxic”
I just figured that meant “food.”

To guarantee it’s healthy
I topped it with a beet.
Then smashed it all together
so it should be good to eat.

I’m hoping that you’ll try it
and tell me what you think.
Just close your eyes and open wide
and nevermind the stink.

–Kenn Nesbitt

Our Teacher Sings the Beatles

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

Our teacher sings The Beatles.
She must know every song.
We ask her please to stop
but she just sings, “It Won’t Be Long.”

And then she croons like Elvis.
She clearly thinks it’s cool.
And if we beg her not to
she just belts out, “Don’t be Cruel.”

She then does Michael Jackson.
It drives us nearly mad.
We have to cover up our ears
because she’s singing, “Bad.”

She winds up with The Wiggles
or else a Barney song,
and, even worse, she tells us all
that we should sing along.

It’s all my fault she does this.
I feel like such a fool.
I wish I’d never brought
my karaoke box to school.

–Kenn Nesbitt

New Video: My Pet Germs

Here’s my latest animated video. I had so much fun creating this one and I think you’ll see why when you play it. Have fun!

Note:  If you’d like to read along with the poem, click on the “cc” button at the bottom of the video once it starts playing.

To Some It’s Known as Halloween

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

To some it’s known as “Halloween,”
or else “All Hallows Eve.”
To some it’s simply “Dress Up Day,”
a time for make believe.

And some folks call it “Trick or Treat,”
when ghosts and witches play.
To others it’s the night before
the day called “All Saints Day.”

It’s got so many different names,
but this is what I say:
To me October thirty-first
is called “Free Candy Day.”

–Kenn Nesbitt

Melvin the Mummy

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

Melvin the mummy, who lived near the Nile,
had worked as a mummy for more than a while,
for mummies can go their entire careers
without a vacation for thousands of years.

He guarded the pyramids day after day
to frighten the burglars and bandits away,
which meant, as he stood watching over the pharaohs,
he often got shot at with bullets and arrows.

His job was so stressful, the pay was so poor,
but, still, Melvin stayed and protected the door.
Until he got sick of his sad situation
and knew that he needed to take a vacation.

His crypt was so dark and so cold and so clammy,
he packed up his swimsuit and flew to Miami.
He thought he would stay there for just a few days,
enjoying the beach and absorbing some rays.

But, sadly, poor Melvin would never return,
and this is a lesson all mummies should learn:
Don’t take any trips or, like Melvin, you’ll find
vacations make mummies relax and unwind.

–Kenn Nesbitt

Boney Mahoney

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

I’m Boney Mahoney,
the Skeleton Singer.
I’m known for harmonious tones.
I’ll croon to the tune of
a jaw harp or hand drum.
I’ll trill to the sound of trombones.

To have me start humming
just tickle the ivories.
I’ll sing if you finger a bell.
I’ll rap if you slap at
a washboard or rattle.
I’m hip to the nose flute as well.

If you’re a musician
in search of a singer
just give me a telebone call.
But find someone else if
you only play organ;
I don’t sing with organs at all.

–Kenn Nesbitt

My Brother is Still in His Bedroom

Podcast

Subscribe to this Podcast

“My brother is still in his bedroom.
No doubt he’ll be getting up soon.
But last night he stayed up till midnight,
so maybe he’ll sleep until noon.

“I haven’t gone into his bedroom.
Whenever I do he gets mad.
If anyone woke him this morning,
I’m guessing it must have been dad.

“It’s probably best not to bug him.
I try to stay out of his way.”
Yes, that’s what I said when mom asked me
if I woke up grumpy today.

–Kenn Nesbitt