The Ugly, Ugly Duckling

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The ugly, ugly duckling
was as ugly as could be;
as ugly of a duckling
as you’d ever hope to see.

Her eyes were red and baggy
and her beak was much too big.
Her face was reminiscent
of the rear end of a pig.

Her ears were black and bulbous
and her nose was out of joint.
The feathers on her forehead
came together in a point.

The other ducklings taunted her
and teased her ’til she cried.
They called her names that made her want
to run away and hide.

Until the day she knew
that she could simply take no more
and went to buy some makeup
at the mall department store.

She waddled to the counter
and she told the woman there
“I need some makeup, please,
to make me beautiful and fair.

“Some lipstick and mascara
and some liner for my eyes,
to show I’m far more beautiful
than people realize.”

The makeup lady giggled
in a condescending way
and said, “I’d like to help you
but I doubt that you can pay.

“You haven’t got a credit card
or checks or even cash
and it would take a truckload
just to cover your moustache.”

The duck replied, “I have no cash.
I’m sure I never will.
So give me just the lipstick please
and put it on my bill.”