I went to the doctor
all covered in bumps.
He said “you’ve got chicken pox,
measles and mumps.”

He said “you’ve got whooping cough,
tetanus, rubella,
digestive dysfunction
from green salmonella.

“You’ve got halitosis
and elephantitis.
You’ve also got athletes foot
and laryngitis.

“You’re covered with head lice,
mosquitoes and fleas.
You’ve even got pink-eye
and mad cow disease.

“What’s more you’ve got cooties,
a cold and the flu,
but don’t be upset;
I know just what to do.”

He told me “I promise
this won’t hurt a bit,”
then grabbed a syringe
like a barbeque spit.

He made me bend over
the seat of my chair
then plunged that big needle
in my you-know-where.

So now I’m all cured
of my cooties and fleas,
my whooping cough, measles
and mad cow disease.

He cured me of every last
sniffle and bump,
and now I’m all better
except for my rump.