How Did You Get So Mean?

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I caught you stealing second base.
I saw you kill some time.
I know you shot some basketballs
and even flipped a dime.

I heard you cut some corners.
You were swinging at the park.
I saw you punch the clock
while stabbing blindly in the dark.

I watched you beat a dozen eggs.
I saw you strike a match.
You almost hit a hole in one.
I heard you slam the hatch.

You said you kicked the habit.
You got to crown the queen.
And now you want to break the news?
How did you get so mean?