Aunt Agatha comes with a casserole dish
of dried out spaghetti and overcooked fish
and every Christmas I pray and I wish
Aunt Agatha won’t bring her casserole dish.

My Uncle Ernesto brings barbecued beans
that taste like a mush made of old magazines
combined with a crust from old rusted machines.
I wish that my uncle would not bring his beans.

My grandma brings aspic (that’s Jell-o with shrimp)
and when I won’t eat it she calls me a wimp.
I hope when they’re dishing my dinner they skimp
on grandma’s tomatoey aspic with shrimp.

My mom makes a salad of peppers and peas
that’s mixed up with onions and limburger cheese.
As nice as I can I say “No thank you please.”
Next Christmas why can’t we just order Chinese?